Raw Day 2

Man yesterday was a tough emotional day for me. I think mentally it was hard to wrap my brain around "how am I going to do this", but I did okay! I blew up around dinner time, and they say that this is not only physically cleansing, but spirtually as well. I actually told my husband that I was miserable at home and wanted to go back to work (which is something he is against) but he doesn't realize how unhappy I am being imprisoned every day with nothing that I feel is important to do. I feel like my soul is starving because it isn't achieving in my own life. He thinks that I should be happy "just taking care of everyone", and I think he knows how important what I do is, and yes I agree, everyone would fall apart if I didn't do it, but the problem is just that, if I didn't do it, no one would, which to me is disgusting. I went around yesterday cleaning up the yard which has been like that for 2 weeks and NO ONE will get off their own butts and do anything about it. I'm tired of being the maid, and when someone doesn't have something, it's MY fault... no one here is held accountable or being responsible for themselves, they lay it all on me and I get none of the respect but all the blame. I'm tired of livng that way. I need a life outside this house. I'm starting to really resent my entire family for all the stuff they throw in my lap and whine and complain when I didn't jump up and down in excitement when they did. Really I think the kids can start to do their own laundry, they can manage to take out the garbage when it's full, they can manage to get their own lunches together and keep their own space cleaned up. I'm tired of being the one who is constantly thwarting disaster after disaster because no one knows how to be responsible for themselves and have a goal to work towards. They have no standards, they have no ideals, it's no wonder they are both the way they are, and my cave man of a husband isn't so great either, if I didn't half hand him everything he'd never eat or get his own stuff put away or know where to find it. I'm tired of dealing with that. I'm 34, I'd like to be able to move on with my own stuff and not have to constantly worry about their "needs"... which wouldn't be a problem at all if they'd just take the time to do it. Oh well. I think it's the food in me and the poisen coming out. I did a lot of thinking and I think that people act the way they do because of the garbage in them. I believe that our thoughts and memories are stored all over the body, not just the brain, and if your entire body is full of garbage, its no wonder we can't think right, it's like trying to find something in my sons room, GOOD LUCK!! Plus, I've always been into getting the most out of what you do, and I think if I'm going to eat something, I should be getting the most out of that pursuit. So I'm feeling better... I wasn't as tired today as I was yesterday, I think my body was literally churning in slow motion and I needed that break to get it going in an entirely different direction. I took an hour and a half nap yesterday... pretty different for me!! Plus I think the lack of coffee was probably not a help, I'm so used to being jacked up on drugs!! I did have to take a tums this morning, yesterday and today I had heart burn, which is a different thing for me, but maybe thats just my body usually having to create such a high amount of acid in order to digest what I eat, and now it's not as much to digest, so it's like acid-over kill.